Date Sarah Carr

Posted on September 14, 2011

12


It is nothing short of criminal that I should come out of blog retirement after a goddamn revolution (well, almost…you know) to write about anything other than police brutality, the vileness of SCAF, etc., but the fact remains I’m just no good at stuff like that, even though I care. I was actually about to resume frivo-blogging when January 25 happened and I still see that half-written (and clever) post begging me mutely for publication.
HOWEVER. This is going to be a pimping-out-of-friend post. Matchmaking is of course a deep and abiding passion of mine and I have actually received pretty good feedback regarding two posts I wrote to that end. (Let’s not go into any detail as to the longevity of the unions though.) Cairo is ironically small and it’s getting so people over 25 are tossing partners back and forth among themselves and displaying increasing adjustment to dating friends’ exes, sharing sex partners and suchlike, and there’s probably a super-potent new Egyptian STD out there. On that sexy note:
The friend: is 34, female. Half English, half Egyptian. She writes this blog. Oh yes! Sarah Carr. Now, it is a source of amazement to me and others that she is single, given the number of times I have heard men sigh over her writing, comment on her hotness, and laugh at her excellent witticisms. It is an atrocity that, unlike everyone else who ever typed a few sentences unto the Egyptian interwebs, she has not ONCE met anyone through her blog or twitter account (except me, and I have all the wrong qualifications). Whereas I have several times been asked out by direct message on twitter (I do not recommend this), despite not being anywhere near as cool. Possibly she intimidates fellas with her ability to write skillfully and poignantly and yet humorously, so they fuck off. Well, they (you!) must desist.
She is a recent ex-blonde, and fearless. She is willing to go to the ends of the earth and other places without bathrooms to help the poor and oppressed. She is super funny and the best person to sit next to at a party. Her Arabic is the cutest. She has intense but charming nerdaciousness a la High Fidelity regarding all things musical (I once asked her to recommend some music to me and was derided due to my plebian tastes, which apparently cannot be remedied). She has excellent taste in television and books. She also possesses one great and commonly acknowledged superpower, known in popular parlance as the Power of the AvaCarr. By the simple expedient of posting the photographs of repellent political figures as her avatar, she has been successful in securing their dismissal from public life, and in some cases, incarceration. It is a fearsome power and many clamour for her secret.
Drawbacks: seems to have difficulty smiling. Disregard this. Also, she cannot do small talk, in defiance of all things British, so interlocutors have to handle initial conversational gambits. Once you get her started, though, she’s great. No topic too mundane. She’s also vegan which I find gasp-worthy and unforgiveable in a paramour, but there are probably men out there who love them some chickpea-based meals. I’ve got this under drawbacks though because men located in Egypt are known to scream “La7ma!” in violent delight when it is mentioned. She seems to keep, and revere, a number of cats. (They’re well behaved though.) Additionally, she SEEMS super grumpy, but isn’t really. Can be a little inflexible.
But ultimately I recommend her heartily.
Looking for: A man over 31 who likes music and doesn’t hate cats or the revolution. He should also not be bedan, it has been stressed. He should already have read her blog and like it. Ideally he wouldn’t be SO foreign that things about Egypt need tedious explanation. Email me at forsooth@email.com and I shall get things going in my inimitably ungraceful manner. No, really. I can do it.
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