Zed’s bald, baby. Zed’s bald.

Posted on July 6, 2007


Lots of people think I am very superficial and shallow because of my issue with bald men; obviously, those people can lick me. I can’t help being physically revolted by thinning hair. The way I see it, going bald in your mid-twenties means that you reached the peak of your youth and beauty in your teens and are on your way down. And if guys are on their way down physically when I meet them, that’s a pretty bad sign. There has been one very powerful counter-argument presented to this, and it was presented yesterday by two girls in two unrelated conversations:

Conversation 1: The office

Me (rehearsed): The problem is they’re all bald.

Girl 1: You and your bald thing. What about the Mouse? (And she actually said, the Mouse). I didn’t see him with a pony tail.

Me: Yeah but he was so tall I couldn’t see the top of his head. By the time I did I’d already been hooked.

Girl 1 (laughs): Yes, one time when you were standing and he was sitting down, probably. Anyway I have two words for you: Bruce Willis. Don’t tell me he’s not hot!

Me (thinking): Yes, he is muzza. But most of them aren’t like that, are they?

Girl 1: No, there are hot bald guys who are nice too. Besides, the ones with hair could be assholes.

Conversation 2: Party in Zamalek

Me: Yes, but I can’t deal with baldness (I really don’t know how the subject came up).

Total Stranger (hot chick with great knockers highlighted by belt placed underneath them): Oh, I like bald guys myself.

Me: Really? Why?! Is it the Bruce…

Total Stranger:…Willis thing, yes.

Me: Yes, I’ve already heard that. I guess I have to learn to live with it, what with Copts being what they are.

Total Stranger: Yes, that’s the only reason me and B aren’t together (points at textbook bald, overweight, short Copt on other couch – sorry sweetie but it’s the truth, I still love you).

Me: (Chug wine)