Round up and put down

Posted on March 11, 2007


My mom plopped down unexpectedly on the Tweet and I last night, propelling the Tweet into off-balcony hurlings of cigarettes and myself into pretending to sleep. After making up a bed for my mom and doing some desultory tidying, we both promptly took off with our respective friends. Very rude, but we simply need mental preparation for dealings with mothers, particularly my sister. She has not yet reached the breadth of acceptance that my advanced years (24 on Tuesday) allow.
Her arrival put the kibosh on what felt like a spree of debauchery: you know you’re going to have a good, nasty weekend when a taxi driver calls you a faseqa (fornicator/deviant/sinner) even before it begins (he picked me and M up in front of Drinkie’s with a bottle of wine – but I think it was my refusal to pay 10 LE for a 5 LE trip that really alerted him to my harlotry). Full bottles of tequila were misplaced, actually lost, this weekend; jello shots were consumed by the dozen; and people over 25 danced to trance “music”. On Friday night, I had a hash brownie courtesy of the Sandmonkey and laughed for 20 minutes when M said that someone looked like a “crazy aunt”. It was the funniest thing I had ever heard. I may also have expressed a strong desire to commit indecent acts with pizza. The effects lasted until way into the next day.
I had a stupendous time, despite nearly dying in a drunk driving incident that forced M to shout “besor3a awi!” in Arabic (I guess he felt he wasn’t getting through in English) while the Conquistador chose “ISHTA PEACE! ISHTA PEACE!” as his calming litany of choice. So it’s depressing to have zipped home after work – unprecedented – to hang out with my mom only for her to fall asleep at 8 pm leaving me destitute and friendless in forsaken Heliopolis. The Tweet buggered off smugly with her friends. Well, at least there was food.

Just to illustrate the Forsoothmom experience: some years ago she decided that the best way to sleep in a king-size bed was across it, width-wise. When asked why, she simply says that it is more comfortable. So when I made up her bed I had to do it at a 180 degree angle, lining up the pillows along where most normal folks would choose to swing their legs over the bed in the morning. I don’t see how it’s comfortable to have your pillows nearly fall off during the night, but there you have it.
This morning she also remarked to me while I was looking for my shoes, “Do you want both of them?” But she’s still super cuddly and makes me fresh orange juice every day in the morning.

Posted in: friends, my family