How to date while pretending to work

Posted on February 26, 2007


I have a bunch of single friends who are always complaining to me (and with me) about not meeting eligible men and women. Obviously, people complain about this everywhere; but in addition to the usual difficulty of finding someone you like who simultaneously likes you, Egyptians have to pay attention to issues of religion and socio-economic class. Also, immigration. With these concerns, it’s no wonder no one can find anyone suitable to even look at, let alone date. So a friend of mine and I figured we would set up a personalized dating site, whereby we would collect all the information about all the single people we knew, and try and match them up.

Well. Not only has he found himself a girl – he who bitterly bemoaned the dearth of all Coptic female organisms “welad nas”– Facebook did it for us. It has it all – little resumes; pictures; low-risk methods of interacting with near-strangers; quick updates as to the status of everyone’s relationships. You are able, in one fell swoop, to view all the possible candidates your friends could introduce you to and evaluate them closely; and prevent low grade individuals from contacting you like on Hi5.

Well. Having been granted this sort of access, it has become clear that the rumours are true: there really are no single Coptic guys left who aren’t

  • Spindly
  • Fat
  • Users of too many ellipses………..
  • Users of the word “playa”
  • Bald
  • Too religious
  • Short. SHORTTTTT. Height isn’t stated, but you can tell. I am 162 cm (5’4″). Someone who is 5 cm taller than me, well below the world male average, is not too much to fucking ask!

And the girls aren’t much better. My Muslim friends of both genders have come up with similar conclusions (although frankly their selection seems better, if only by virtue of size).

Well, I still like Facebook, although I couldn’t tell you why. It’s laced with crack, maybe. But probably because of that stalking streamlining I mentioned before.

Posted in: Copts, Egyptians, gender