Post # 300: Fessa as always

Posted on February 22, 2007

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Here’s a story I heard on Tuesday, since I have none of my own…

A guy is just finishing up a pee in his office bathroom when his zip breaks as he is pulling it up. He sits there for a while worrying about whether his business is going to hang out and whether he should go home to change his pants. He communicates his concerns to his immediate boss, a dignified and brilliant man who enjoys widespread respect as an academic and businessman. The boss says, “I know how to fix zips. Take off your pants.” My friend quells his alarm, and takes off his pants, and sits around for a while in his drafty (but locked) office in his underwear. The boss takes the pants unto his bosom and fixes them like some sort of fairy-tale gnome, leaving giant transactions unattended on his desk. He hands them back to my friend who puts them on.

Wednesday morning at work as I zip up my pants after a whiz. The zip breaks (not, as you might surmise, because of my massive girth. The constant vomiting is taking care of that nicely. Although the resultant exhaustion is making colleagues comment worriedly on my appearance.) I call my friend and he laughs for 45 minutes. I spent the rest of the day with my shirt hanging out to cover the gaping, as a safety pin proved utterly ineffectual.

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