Bah-Bah!

Posted on February 17, 2007

11


So E is moving to Dubai for good. I am really sad (will write wet memorial post later, exactly as if she had died), and other people keep placing comforting hands on my shoulders and saying things like “Dude. I don’t know how you’re going to deal when she leaves!” and “Man, if I were you I’d be so upset!” which is not helpful. Meanwhile, I am interviewing for New E amongst the females of my acquaintance. As without E this is a grand total of five women, this is proving difficult. M has offered to help me craft an equation for locating new E: I would apparently make a list of all the E qualities New E should have, and then find someone who had each quality, who combined with others could play the role of New E. He imagined it would look something like this:

F (G – Y)
J

where the letters represent (hypothetical, before anyone gets mad) friends’ initials. His MBA finally being put to good use! I will begin drafting such a list immediately.

I organized a good bye party for E on Thursday night, which took quite a lot of doing because simple things always do for me. That said, I think the management of Five Bells in Zamalek is particularly cunty, even taking into account that I asked them to open up their closed terrace especially for us. It turned out quite well in the end, though, as almost everyone showed up and it didn’t cost any more than I thought it would cost and most people had fun (although they eventually kicked us out for making too much noise – the neighbours had called the cops). This must be why we usually have such things at Sequoia, where they mostly know good service and don’t extract the religion of the customer’s antecedents. And they don’t serve you breaded brain against your will (although in M’s quest to experience all things Egyptian, he had some. So did I. It was all runny and I could feel its thoughts sliding down my throat).

During this gathering, I found out from W, who has just returned from a latter-day Grand Tour – only of the Middle East – that somewhere in Syria exists a Dunkin’ Donuts that serves SHISHA. AND ALCOHOL! I got so very excited and shrill about this that people were starting to look faintly concerned. But I must go to see this! M is even more excited about this than I am – he once had a fit of delight over the fact that in Cairo there is a TGI Fridays on a boat. He said the combination of hard-core American consumerism (because even Canada only has one TGI Fridays, and I think that’s a rumour) with Cairo and a floating device tickled his fancy.

Also, I should not play Never Have I Ever. Clearly the sorts of things one gets up to in Canada are not at all the sorts of things one’s peers got up to in one’s absence. Which ends in embarrassment.

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