You would even say it glowed!

Posted on December 17, 2006


I’ve just thought of something. You know the reindeer? From the song Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? They’re opportunist, kiss-ass bitches. Santa too. They only start acting nice to Rudolph when he does something for them. Before that they called him names and wouldn’t play with him, and Santa didn’t say a thing. What a quintessentially American thing to teach kids.

My mom freaked out sometime in the late 90’s and realized that Santa Claus and other fictional trappings of Christmas were actually lies and misled children. There may also have been a blasphemous angle (Ill have to ask her when I go visit next month – not that my mother says anything that ever demonstrates any understanding of the processes of logic, or even cause and effect). Anyway, the Twiffle and I were grown up by then and didn’t care that she was throwing out Santa Claus candles. However, until very recently my mother was the head of the Sunday School at our church in Kuwait, meaning that a generation of children have now been deprived of having a dude dressed as Santa come there on Christmas and bring them presents. Which is just as well. Those kids are a lot snottier than I was but less snotty than the Twirly was. Not that she would go anywhere near Santa Claus – until she was 10 or so she was monumentally and stridently terrified of anybody in a character suit. Our trip to Disneyland was a vale of mortification and tear-stained Kleenex.

Posted in: my family