Crassness follows:

Posted on November 12, 2006


Last week when I was at M’s place I made a giant poo. I only go once a week so shit gets backed up (literally). Even so, this was a biggie and I was so impressed and proud that I wanted to call M in to see if it could possibly be preserved for the Guinness book of records. Although…if there is even a “Faeces: Biggest” category, doesn’t it take like a year for the Guinness people to come round and see entries? Or do people just not go for weeks and then stage a monitored dump in front of judges? Anyway, I recalled fortuitously that M had clearly stated that if he received any material proof of my need for excretion, like other humans, he would break up with me. Nevertheless, I started to tell him about it and he sighed heavily and groaned as if I had eaten his firstborn child.

“Don’t. Just stop! And don’t come here on Wednesdays again!” (I always go on Wednesday or Tuesday).

I wish I had a boyfriend who was willing to celebrate feats of excreta.

Update: M is now betting that as a result of this post, I will for sure be receiving emails from shit fetishists requesting pictures of my crap or showing me theirs, and inviting me to join websites like M’s joke, not mine 🙂 I’ll let you know.