Gather, ye fat and/or female

Posted on November 9, 2006


I’ve gotten hideously fat lately as a result of Ramadan and vacations and office mates who prod me to eat. I can find nary a pair of trousers that fit me anymore. Because of my stubborn Egyptian pot belly (you know it has a name? it’s called a siwwa) when I put on a meager kilo all my tops start rolling up in objection to being expected to hang on to a slope. I’m constantly pulling down tops and skirts that want to move up to the comfortably valley-like waist area. It’s a source of serious annoyance to me, and was the primary reason why I went on a diet in the spring (because otherwise I’m fine with my weight).

Big news, girls diet all the time and why should you give a shit, especially those of you blessed with the Y chromosome? Cos it was a kickass diet that will appeal to those of you who think that two wrongs DO make a right.

It was called the Shangi-la diet, and basically it is this: you find a two hour period during the day when you consume nothing but water. In the middle of that two hour period, you eat either 1-2 spoons of sugar, or 1-2 spoons of extra-light olive oil/grapeseed oil/canola oil. That’s it. I don’t quite remember the “science” behind it, but basically consuming flavourless calories is supposed to lower your set point, in effect postponing the point at which your body feels hungry.

I told M about this at the time and he nearly fainted with distress at the recklessness of my actions – but it worked. After a couple days of taking the oil (the sugar only made me hungrier) I just felt…full. I could only eat a few bites of food per meal. And so, I lost weight. Of course, this diet doesn’t work for those people who eat out of boredom or pure gluttony…that you’ll have to deal with on your own. I want to go back on this diet, but I can’t find any of the allowed oils here in Egypt. The oil has to be flavourless. I think I saw linseed oil at Spinney’s once, and so I will try that. Let you know how it goes. It also kind of gives you diarrhea, but I guess pooing twice a week instead of once won’t exactly hurt.

Posted in: food, humour