My sister and I have had our final fight. The reason for our fights is that she treats me like shit. Always has – in between our bouts of babying and nicknaming and cuddling she is rude, mean and just cruel. She doesn’t treat anyone else this way – everyone else loves her. No one else knows that she has a terrible temper and thinks nothing of bellowing hurtful things, things she knows I am particularly sensitive about. And I have always been conciliatory, a doormat, letting things slide.
She’s a devout Christian – but somehow her Christian meekness and charity and all of that doesn’t extend to me. Whenever I accuse her of rudeness or meanness she always tells me that it is I who am rude to people. Today she said that if she didn’t treat me this way I would never learn. She didn’t say learn – she said something more like “discipline me” (te2adebny!). She’s my LITTLE sister. And since when has repeated cruelty taught anybody anything? I’ve never said a single word that could in any way be construed badly to her. No, seriously – no matter what issues other people may have with my manners, nothing bad has ever exited my lips to her. I’ve thought it through. I said this, and she said I don’t even know when I’m being rude to people. However, she can’t give me a single example, nor has she ever pointed out a single instance at the time. But in no way could I be remotely capable of treating anyone the way she treats me. Never.
We’re supposed to live together in Egypt. I don’t know what to do. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. I’m sick of it. No matter what I do, she treats me worse than an animal. Today she told me I was going to hell for not being a believer.
My sister and I
Posted on June 24, 2006
Posted in: my family
forsoothsayer
Unnecessary and not very diverting musings 
Maxxed`ouT
June 25, 2006
You shouldn’t tolerate that sort of shit from anyone .You sure sound like someone who can stand for herself , i’m surprised u’re letting her walk all over you this way .I’m looking for a roommate in Cairo if you’re interested .If not i can hook you up with this French gal .. she’s looking as well but we can not live together for x and y reasons .
forsoothsayer
June 25, 2006
hey, it’s my parent’s house, not hers. no reason to desrt it because she is so evil…she can leave if she wants.
Chris in Manitoba
June 25, 2006
Yikes!!! That really sucks!Your post put a lump in my throat.Is your sister a “born again” Christian?Do you even have those in your area?I’ve found many of the new “born” to be quite self righteous like that.
Herlock Sholmes
June 25, 2006
Arsenic in the coffee will solve all your problems inside of two weeks.
stillsmokin'
June 25, 2006
ouch!! sounds like she’s in her teens and in the rebellion phase, how old is your ‘little’ sister? because if she’s at that age, then she may be letting out steam (loads of it) onto you (her sis) which is kinda normal. if thats not the case, then you guys must find some middle grounds if you r to live with her! As for living in Egypt, because its kind of busy and the day is full of surprises- you need the home to be your sanctuary..
The Eyewitness
June 25, 2006
Forsoothsayer: I’ve somekind of similar situation with my brother but as both of us are living in different contents so it is not that sever in addition we are not rude with each other we just have different points of view about some stuff, and sometimes we cannot tolerate about them. Any way I’m going to tell you my experience, in case it may help.The problem here is that she lives somekind of belief and inside this belief she feels she has the whole truth. On the other side I think you living kind of belief and it is what you call unbeliever, but I personally consider the unbeleiving is already a belief and also a phase inwhich we build our own beleives. The feeling that she has the truth by her believes and out of her care adn love for you, she wants you to be believer like her, not for her advantage but because she loves you. But she is forgetting a very serious point that nobody can believe that way every one of us takes his path towards building his own believs and anybody who is honest towards the truth will find his own truth. One more point the way she treats you makes you pre-refusing anykind of idea she proposes even if you are convenced with any of them. All these leads to an unhealthy environment to grow in and live in. I propose that you talk more frankly with each other, start by expressing your feelings to each other, not this strong defending feelings that we develop, no but express your vunerable feelings, these feelings of being hurted, of love, of confussion….and then try to agree on somekind of mutual respect to the differences you both have and also agree on mutual freedom of expressing different views and expecting a reaction of love and respect.Talk with her more frankly, I’m sure you love her, and she also. If you didn’t love each other wouldn’t have had such problems to take you deeper in your relationship.
Carmen
June 25, 2006
Herlock! We can’t advocate murder!!!Forsooth, I’m going to hell too for being an unbeliever and a heathen!!! I’m great company so I assure you we’ll be chillin’ in style.No crying…tears aren’t worth it. You’ll give yourself a headache. Brush it off. Ignore her. I know it’s much easier said than done, but if you’ve got to live together you need to figure out a way to render her invisible. OR you need to make her life SO miserable that SHE decides to leave. Let’s see…buy a Koran, dabble in Hinduism, and try performing some pagan rituals. If that doesn’t drive her out, I don’t know what will…
forsoothsayer
June 25, 2006
it’s not our difference in beliefs that causes the problem, at all. in fact, my whole family is born again christians, the works. i just don’t practice, particularly. but that’s not the problem between me and her. the problem is mainly in her perception of me, and her perception of her role in teaching me a lesson or whatever. that and she’s a bitch. she’s not even in rebellious teen phase, she’s 20. in egypt, anyway, neither of us stays home very much so i guess we won’t need to interact.
FallenEssence
June 25, 2006
I agree with S. Tears are not worth it. I have a little sis of my own whom at times takes on the ‘older sis’ role. Give her the silent treatment-it tends to work.Maybe she is so engulfed in her own ideas that she doesn’t see beyond them. Living together may actually be beneficial.
LouLou
June 25, 2006
My little sister hates me too. Things are better now that we’re on different continents but I cried many tears because of her too.Do you think it’s something about girls?
headbang8
June 25, 2006
See you in hell down the road, but in the meantime, please accept a cyberhug. This kind of family misery eats at you in the most profound way. You, a successful law graduate, and she, with little adult achievement to prop her up in comparison to you, so she points out other measures of her own virtue to shore her ego. Why is she insecure? YOu know what would disarm her? Love. Show that you love her, that she’s worth something in your eyes, no matter how different your levels of achievement and life experiences. If she rejects that, then she REALLY must be a bitch. And not very Christian. Then again, many Christians aren’t very Christian, either. Another cyberhubg.
forsoothsayer
June 25, 2006
preety much all the sisters i know don’t speak, yeah.no, it’s not insecurity, but a sense of right. and i have been loving, too loving, for 20 years. and it hasn’t done a bit of good. we’ll see how a lack of love works.
Alluring
June 25, 2006
What makes her believe she’s better than you? and what lesson does she want to teach you? and who gave her that right?She sounds jealous of you for some reason. There is always this hatred thing between the younger sister and the elder one.Like you said, show her that you don’t care, the lack of love might teach her a lesson.
Yasmina
June 26, 2006
I’m with ya. My sister is a bitch and thinks she knows everything cause she is married and has kids..Her new goal in life is to get me to live with her instead of alone. Screw her and her hubby. Don’t let her get to you cause thats what she wants. You just do your thing and if she doesn’t like it, well too damn bad. Goodluck!
Twosret
June 26, 2006
I’m very sorry to hear that you are feeling that bad and I’m actually kind of shocked of the responses.I think you both need to talk or go to counseling, I think it is not fair and unhealthy. Please go together to a psychologist and discuss your differences. Family pain is horrible and it will affect you for the rest of your life, take care of it now and save yourself the misery for long years.You are blood and that won’t change and no matter what happens she is your sister.Where are your parents from this?
forsoothsayer
June 26, 2006
no, no, she’s not jealous or anything. there’s no history of sibling rivalry or anything like that – it’s just that, simply, i have MAJOR social handicaps and am often rude to people without knowing it. and she figures it is her role in life to treat me like crap as if that wil lsomehow set me straight. anyway she seems to be behaving a lot better right now.
forsoothsayer
June 26, 2006
and therapy? you’ve been living in he west too long, twosret 🙂 my dad doesn’t know, and my mom keeps waffling on about how love conquers all and how talking to her is all that is needed. my mom is an unrealistic person.
MechanicalCrowds
June 26, 2006
Loving someone you don’t like is always tricky!
stillsmokin'
June 26, 2006
i agree with Yasmina…if things are that bad, it may take longer to mend whatever thats there, till she appreciates you for who you are. If she doesn’t and still gives you shit, oh well, at least you did your part and things will have to be edgy between the both of you.fe3lan good luck!
Basil Fawlty
June 26, 2006
I think the Christian thing is a red herring: she’s not acting like this because she’s dogmatic. She’s acting like this because she’s a lacerating bitch who isn’t immediately aware of the power her words have over you. She also thinks she’s better than you.I know because I behave in exactly the same way toward people I feel superior to. As always, there’s a trace of inferiority involved: I envy that someone whom I consider myself superior to has something I admire. I find ways to pick at it, almost obsessively. It’s that contradiction or dichotomy that brings out vicious cruelty.The good news is, and I know you hate to hear this from me, she’ll change as she gets older. Buy it or not, her venom springs from a damaged part of her psyche. And that heals, as you become more aware of your own being. Ironically, some of her most wonderful qualities wouldn’t be possible without that same part of her psyche.Deal with her on two fronts: let her have it and ignore her until she adjusts her behavior towards you. That’s what works on me. Unfortunately, people like that/ me only respect shows of strength, not tears.Paging Dr. Phil..
Basil Fawlty
June 26, 2006
Umm..I forgot to say I hope you’re feeling better. I hate saying nice things but in this case, it’s self-serving: Nobody’s funny when they’re sad: I need you to be a raging cauldron of boiling menstruation in order to make me laugh.As for giving you a *cyberhug*, there’s a better chance of me fellating a shetland pony.
MechanicalCrowds
June 26, 2006
Don’t listen to Mr. Fellatio.
Basil Fawlty
June 27, 2006
She’s not listening, she’s reading, assface.
Twosret
June 27, 2006
I heard therapy became very popular in Egypt but anyway since it is obviously not an option, try to set boundries and create space where you can at least have some respect going.You need to be firm when she abuse you verbally and look her in the eye and say this is not acceptable. Don’t even fight with her just leave the place where she is and avoid her.May be this is a hard age for both of you to get along but later in life I’m sure you will be there for each other and become best friends.I can see that you are hurt and that means that you care about her. I’m very sorry that you feel this way but you know family is not easy to deal with, sometimes they hurt us the most.I know of excellent book about parents called toxic parents by Susan Forward it is awesome. I will check and see if she wrote anything about other relationships.I still think that you need to talk to your mom and she needs to be more involved in this.
forsoothsayer
June 27, 2006
boys! settle down now. seriously, twosret, it’s ok. my mom did lecture my sister today, but i don’t think it took. there’s nothing my parents can do. besides, we’re not usually around them. thanks everyone, i feel better and she’s not quite cleansed of bitchiness but has improved.
Twosret
June 27, 2006
I’m a bit confused though. I thought you live in Canada or were born there. May be it is the fights on SM that is erasing my memory.Glad to hear thinks are a bit better.Good luck
forsoothsayer
June 27, 2006
i did live in canada…and now i’ve left it to come back to the middle east. my sister and i are both staying with our parents in kuwait, but the plan is that the two of us will live in egypt together.dude, i thought u were a loyal reader! this is a major blog theme! 🙂
Chris in Manitoba
June 27, 2006
I’m curious, does your sister know about your blog?
Twosret
June 27, 2006
I’m sorry I get distracted by SM you can blame him 🙂 I’ve been reading Wallahi most of the topics, from laser hair removal to simmering :)I lived most of my life in Canada and the US and then moved to Egypt for three years. Enjoy the social life, it is really fun in Egypt, you will even forget who your sister is if you are with the right crowd :)Bossili masr 😉 mwaaaah
forsoothsayer
June 27, 2006
she does know, but she doesn’t really read it.
N
July 5, 2006
dear god, so this is universal! forsooth, when you figure out how to handle this please let me know. i have a sister eight years older than me that i can barely talk to, she is an abusive, draining, victimized embodiment of the poor me drama type. we go into silences that last for years at a time. she is my only sister, and i love her dearly, and dislike her with a passion and have finally given up last year and forgotten that she is a part of my circle of influence. any advice at this point would truly be appreciated.k’: girl flat-mate in Egypt? what are you going on about now??