The ‘tache effect

Posted on May 29, 2006


I was woken from a delightful nap today by the phone. I always answer the phone no matter how asleep I am and how far it is. It was D. She had called exclusively to ask me to refresh my lesson on how to thread off facial hair. I had shown her, also on the point of deep slumber, in Calgary, but she is so fearful of all matters feminine that her learning curve in those areas verges on retardation.
Anyone who has threaded off hair knows that it is impossible to just describe. And she refused to grasp even the basic concept. The upshot was, I found myself wedging the phone between my head and shoulder, and flapping the fingers of both hands in the air like an idiot in an attempt to visualize a better way to explain to her. I kept making L shapes with my index fingers and thumbs and saying “Have them point up. Up! I don’t know how else to explain it.”
“Yes but how does it work? Where does the hair fit?”
“Didn’t I show your ass? Open one hand while closing the other slightly.”
“Hang on, I think I need a new thread.”
“Are you saying that for the past six years you’ve been going around with that luxuriant moustache flowing down your face?!”
“Hey, you only noticed it this time! It’s not that bad. I usually pluck the sides…just not the middle bit.”
“Yes, the Hitler effect. You realize, I’m very unobservant, and if I only noticed it on the last trip, it means that everyone else has remarked on its luxuriance before now.”

Which reminds me, I gotta go do mine now.