Calgary I

Posted on April 27, 2006

5


Calgary is a lot nicer when it’s not winter. Last time I came here I was begging for God to take me, now! I had obviously incurred His displeasure by being subjected to that subhuman level of frigidity so why not finish me off? But now the weather is actually nicer than it is in Toronto.

Calgary at this time of year is Hockey. Fully 50% of the city is wearing the red Calgary Flames gear at any given time. It looks like a massive massacre has just occurred, the place is so swathed in red. And no matter how stylish the bar, it will have 3,295 TVs, and people of every race, creed, and gender will be glued to it, making the place shudder with their roars every two minutes. Even if you don’t have a TV, you can accurately gauge the progress of any hockey games by the screams issuing from neighbouring buildings. And when they win, everyone streams out into the street to carouse in that inimitable mild Canadian way, while flocks of police corral them on their manly, manly bicycles.
I’m beginning to see that law school has damaged my people skills to an even more dilapidated level than that they were originally at. At one bar we were at, a good looking Australian man approached me and said, “Are you just going to twirl your hair all night?” It’s true, I do twirl my left-hand curls constantly. I said, “Do you have any better suggestions?” I meant to say it pleasantly, even flirtatiously, but evidently it did not come out that way.
“Well, I thought actually that you would stop. But if you’re going to be nasty about it…”
I tried to backtrack but of course it didn’t work (although eventually he told me that I was “lovely” and “exotic” – it’s really going to suck having to go back to being just mildly attractive in Egypt). I’ve also had two fights with D, the friend I am visiting, which I freely concede were my fault.
I have been eating at a competitive rate. Of course I had to have a much vaunted Alberta steak, which was indeed much yummier than any I’ve had so far. As D lives with her mom, I have also been scoffing Egyptian food at an alarming pace, trying to squirrel it away in crevices for future enjoyment. So far, the squirreling has just led to the expansion of said crevices. But I can always diet when molokhia is not on the premises, I figure.
D and I have also been working on organizing the annual Egyptian Canadian Association gala, which is on Saturday night. D is MCing. I am avidly looking forward to this, and am even as we speak composing ridicule in my head.
Well, I have to go golf now. I’ve never been before, and do not expect to like it, as I am not a fan of trudging around pointlessly without a specific aim in sight. I like it when you walk uninterruptedly towards places, get there, and then eat/drink/dance/learn there. And calling itself a sport? Please. It’s on the level of backgammon, athletically speaking.

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