The Silk Road is for skinny chicks

Posted on March 19, 2006


In a burst of consumerist energy, my roommate and I decided to go to Pacific Mall in Markham today. For the uninitiated, Pacific Mall is nowhere near that venerable body of water; it is a massive suburban mall distinguished by the fact that it is entirely Asian. All the food, all the stores, all the people; like a scene from Beijing or something. Everything is written in Chinese and you can haggle and you indicate prices by typing them on calculators to ease communication. Of course, everyone shopping there is Chinese too. Honestly, sometimes it’s hard for me to picture that there are Chinese people left in china, what with them being everywhere. 1.2 billion must be a big number.
Of course, we had been told that there were unimaginable bargains to be found there. And when we finally arrived, we were indeed dazzled by the thousands of small shops filled with unusual clothes at good prices. All the shops were neatly laid out, with hallways and cross-hallways named and numbered.
I hadn’t taken into account one important factor: said 1.2 billion people are all smaller than I. I tried a couple of things on, size large, which was very dispiriting. Everything else seemed designed for 12 year old boys. I would get half a boob in and then be helplessly wedged, while my roommate wondered what was going on in there and whether she should come and pry the boob out. As it was, the cubicles were also designed for mini-humans: when I was in one, both my back and front were making contact with a wall. I was like a charging buffalo – I kept bumping into things and knocking them over, mumbling “sorry.”
Plus, the prices were so low at the first store that they raised our expectations. Soon we were saying things like, “$30 for a pair of suede boots? Please!” So in the end we didn’t buy anything. This is definitely a very bad reflection on Pacific mall – we would buy used dishrags.
So we took my fat ass home. Where I proceeded to clumsily bang a pot into the kitchen sink pipe, which sprung a leak and started to leak water all over the kitchen while I watched aghast. Needless to say they can’t fix it tonight.
I think I’ll just take myself to bed before I do any more damage.