Libing it up

Posted on December 9, 2005


As expected, a double cheeseburger and fries has made the world a far rosier place. Now that I can open my mouth fully, I’ve been ordering tall foods just so I can cram them in there. I would have never ordered a double before.
As my friends (known as the Peer Pressure for Excellence group) were walking to the food court at school, we rounded a corner and narrowly escaped being run over by a kid on a bicycle, who rang his bell officiously to signal his right of way. You little shit, you’re at a university. INDOORS. People go to university so they won’t have to see kids. You have the right to have the crap knocked out of you.
We got there and J bought three fortune cookies for the three of us. He takes fortune cookies very seriously, and he thinks it makes the fate even more fated if he buys three and has to pick his fortune out of them. Also, none of us are allowed to open them till everyone is done eating. So the two of them sat there expectantly, holding their cookies aloft while I took my sweetass time with the double cheeseburger. When I gave the signal, we fell upon the cookies. Mine said, “It’s important to express yourself.” No shit? I don’t stint in that department. J’s said, “The day is only going to get better,” which I thought reinforced my argument to repair to the bar and drink the rest of the night away. My argument was not accepted. But P’s said, to our bafflement, “The rubber bands are headed in the right direction.” The what now? I invite readers to explain.
We’re back in the library now, armed with candy and chocolate. J doesn’t like chocolate.
P: What’s it like?
J: What?
P: Being retarded?
J: Been saving that one up for some time, have you?
P: Yes, yes I have.
I just heard a whistling noise. We think it’s that girl I saw who was filling up an electric kettle in the bathroom.
In my absence, I incurred a $3 charge for being 20 minutes late returning a reserve book. I tried to negotiate my way out of it, get her to bill me for only 20 mins not an hour, but it didn’t fly.
Just in case you were wondering, Peer Pressure for Excellence is this new idea we came up with to motivate ourselves to study. We’re the 5 least motivated people in the school so we need such gimmicks. At the start of a session, each person declares what they intend to accomplish during a fixed period, and if they don’t, everyone else ridicules them. I have to go because we’re in the middle of a PPFE race now.
We’re not cool people.

Posted in: law school