adulthood blows

Posted on October 14, 2005


Wednesday is the day around our household when we get shit done. I don’t have class, Roomate S has no work. In addition my roommate often doesn’t go to her class on Wednesdays and my family court shift was moved so we had the whole day free to try and get this shambles together. To wit: we spent one hour hanging up the 3 mirror frames depicted above. We both stepped back and looked at our newly painted wall.
Me: How about a diagonal line?
S: Er, no? I have this thing with symmetry. I’m imagining a diagonal line right now and it’s making me unsettled. I’d never be able to look at the wall. How about in a triangle shape – two higher, middle one lower?
Me: I can’t do that. I can’t do a symmetrical design. It’s too trite.
So we just did them in a boring straight line.
We also moved some furniture. This actually involved opening closet doors and stepping into them to create more manoeuvring space, calling friends to see how futons should be folded up, and since I have no sense of spatial dimension, scraping things and hurting myself.
S: Hey…you’re pretty clumsy, eh?
I also had to put together a bed. Let me take this time to say: Damn you, Ikea! Their instructions are clear all the way till the end, when I found myself brandishing a bunch of metal rods with no idea where they should go. THAT diagram was all fuzzy and weird. I called in my roommate and her boyfriend to consult.
S: I don’t really think they do anything.
J: Don’t you need them to support the mattress?
Me: No, the slats go there. What do you think those wooden pegs are for?
S: I think they’re to hold the slats in place, if you have the slats.
J: What’s this “slats” you guys keep using? How do you know what these things are called? I never heard that word before.
S: That’s what they’re called. They’re bed slats.
J: You guys just made that up.
Me: How come we both know it if it’s a made up word?
J: Because you’re roommates, that’s why!
Me: You think we got together and instituted some sort of united household vocabulary?
J resorted to talking with a Kazakhstani accent for like two hours after that, since he couldn’t reply. He said it was a Kazakhstani accent, and there was nothing we could really say to dispute that, could we?
There were also some randomly shaped blocks left over. Also the mattress was a bit too short. S said it would expand overnight, but so far it hasn’t expanded much. J stacked the blocks neatly to one side of the room and I passed out having vowed to call Ikea and give them hell. I’ll go do that now.

Posted in: Canada, humour, roommate