Emerges covered in faeces

Posted on April 15, 2005

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So the suffering is over. And not on an entirely good note….the exam today was a total blowout. There was pain. Grown men were reduced to crying in their pillows at home. Don’t ever hire me….you will go to jail.
Actually, I had a feeling it was going to be a massacre even before I left the house. I’ll tell you why: as I was getting dressed in the morning, I dropped a contact lens, as usual. However, it fell onto my bare foot so I felt it and found it. I thought this was an auspicious omen; it was not to be, though. No sooner had I popped it in but it fell out again and totally disappeared. I spent some minutes searching my messy dresser with one eye shut (because I had the other one in, which makes my vision lopsided). Then I ran to a full length mirror and stuck out my chest and examined myself to see if it had stuck to me; at which point I pulled out the big guns and actually took the other one out, put on my glasses, and lay with my head against my dusty floor for a while seeing if anything stuck out. By then, it was 15 minutes till my exam began, so I had to get out a brand new contact. Of course I had to open a whole new packet of lefts because I only ever lose them. Never the rights.
Then I undid my hair and the missing contact fell out of it. The evils of luxuriant curls! I retrieved it and lovingly re-moistened it. But by then it was too late for the exam to go well…the bad luck was well into the Utter Destruction of All Job Prospects phase.
But I still managed to retain some hope from the whole exam debacle through humour. I had this sexual offences exam last week. Despite the unappealing subject matter, I derive amusement from the fact that my quintessentially Canadian professor busts her ass to make her fact patterns as “multicultural” as possible. Just so that when you are imagining people molesting their disabled nephews, you’ll be able to imagine what they look like more accurately.
So there was Tyrone (high school basketball player who was blown by a 13 yr old); Sanjit (who touched his younger cousin’s penis); and Juanita (an older woman who had sex with her retarded 16 yr old employee). I giggled quietly to myself behind my criminal code throught the exam. Hey, I’m in law school…I gotta take my laughs where I can get them, OK!

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Posted in: humour, law school