Noggin Guests

November 25, 2014


Well I cried wolf and it happened: I have lice. No, for reals. And I don’t know how I got them, except I fall asleep in taxis with fabric seats a lot. Gross. My head has been itching for over a motherfucking MONTH. At first I thought it was my new shampoo, so I switched […]

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Happy Ramadan

July 9, 2014


This cupcake shop opened in my neighbourhood and I ran down there all excited, lamenting only that my best friend the Singer no longer lives here to singlehandedly support them with her regular 11 pm platintive bleatings for cake. I assumed from the Ramadan bunting outside that date caramel and tamr hindy cupcakes were in […]

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June 4, 2014


Yes I never wrote parts 2-11 of the trip to London. I overthought it. But I have been ruminating: what if my friend E – she who launched a thousand blog posts in the mid-2000s – is my true muse? Verily, it is so. I betook myself to her particularly beige part of Dokki. It takes […]

Posted in: friends, human waste, humour

London: Bamia and Allen Keys, Part I

April 1, 2014


  I just returned from an eight-day trip to London to visit friends and to not be in Egypt. It passed in the briefest of milliseconds, and here I am coated in exhaust again, obsessively tugging my top up and down in order to avoid attracting harassment, and reading about boundless streams of state murders. […]

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Moving and shaking

February 23, 2014


For the last ten months I have been living idyllically and surreally by turns in Maadi, a fragrantly leafy neighbourhood of Cairo characterized by large numbers of well-to-do foreigners, packs of noisy street dogs and teenagers, oil companies, and by having its behind snugly pressed up against the storied Tora prison. A green, safe area […]

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Street stains

December 9, 2013


For Sarah Carr, birthday girl, supportive friend and the biggest fan of this juvenile drivel. Yes, “no one has writer’s block for four years.” About six months ago I was walking on the street in Zamalek when a buxom, short-haired girl in her early twenties sitting on the sidewalk said to me in middle-class tones, […]

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Maple walnut et al

August 28, 2012


I bought three scented candles today, for the first time ever. (This is because my girly sister left a stockpile of various candles when she moved away and the power cuts depleted them. Then a friend of mine got married and I noticed his apartment started to smell very nice, which he kindly explained was […]